The thing is, it isn’t that he died that affects me. It is how he died. It is that depression claimed another soul. That is what gets to me. And I think that often those people who do not understand, or have never felt such sadness, these people make judgement without fully understanding what depression is.
I am sad about Robin Williams’ passing. I am sad because I know all too well what it is like to not feel hope, to feel that there is nothing left in you to give. These feelings are all too real for most of us.
I wonder what sort of world we live in when people go on rants on Facebook, accusing and passing judgement over someone who ended their life over depression and pain. While I do not claim to be a saintly woman, I was raised Pentecostal. I know enough about the bible to out-argue most online. I do not believe that it is anyone’s place to pass judgement and say that this man is going to hell if he committed suicide. What sort of a world do we live in when even the Christians lack love? Growing up, Christians were always the ones that to me, displayed love and compassion. When I was in my darkest storms as a teen and young adult, they were always the ones who gave me the love that I so desperately needed.
I’m not a religious woman. My religion is love. My daughters teach me this. My daughters teach me about love, about stopping and smelling the metaphoric flowers, and seeing the beauty in life, no matter what the struggle.
Suicide and depression are real things. It is the sinking, deep dark feeling that claimed the life of my heroine, Sylvia Plath. It is the darkness that claimed the life of Ernest Hemingway. These are real things that real people struggle with, and make no mistake: having weakness does not make a person weak. Suicide isn’t about a person being a coward. It is about bravely entering the next phase of life, without fearing to live with pain anymore. It is not a cowardly act at all. Until you have felt these feelings, do not cast your assinine judgement in the name of the religion you think you follow.
Of all the people I have known in my life, few people stand out as acting in true love, despite our political affiliations.
First is my friend Liz. Liz and I have been pen pals for over 20 years. I have been her friend for these twenty years. We have grown up together, exchanging letters and mix tapes, and now updating each other on Facebook.
When the war began years and years back, she and I held opposite views. Still through it all, she spoke the truth, HER truth, in love. She spoke to me with a soft voice, telling me she held her views because her past personal experiences.
I do not call many my friend. Being the typical Sagittarius, I know many many people from many walks of life. But it takes years for me to get up within myself and call you my friend. Liz is to me, a dear friend of mine. I love her, and I know that she loves me.
The next person is Greg Battista. I actually know Greg from my church going days. HA! He knows that other side of me. But in all the years I’ve known him, he kept his stance, never getting nasty or accusatory. Instead, he is one of the few people who I can look at and call a real true christian.
Look, the way I see it, we all have different ways of seeing life, different approaches to how emotions should be handled. But I think that if we LOVE first and STOP JUDGING, perhaps we will have peace. Perhaps it is this, that can help a person. Posting your lunatic and judgmental bullshit on Facebook will only turn people away. It is wrong and not what your Jesus called you to do.
Suicide is about ending the pain. And that’s all. Love first. Before the words come flying out on Facebook, choose love. Perfect love. Real love. Then re-evaluate what you’re going to say.
For me, I choose love. I choose to wake up every morning no matter what the battles I am facing, and choose to love.
Robin Williams’ suicide touched me because I know what he felt. I understand those feelings. I know what it is like to be in pain. But I also know what it is like to feel love.
“I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians.”