On coming out from beneath the clouds

So I made some new art, based on some things that have been surfacing in my life lately:

If you’ve followed my blog for a while, you may know that I lived in New York City for many years. I begrudgingly moved to New Jersey, out of financial need. Anyway, at first, I didn’t mind it. It is nice and calm out here, people are courteous drivers, and the schools are wonderful.

Being an introvert, I really didn’t mind the isolation that comes with living in New Jersey at all. The fact that people didn’t really speak to you did not bother me at all. I enjoy my own company and love to just stay home and paint and write the night away. So, I didn’t mind.

But little by little, especially after my two dear friends passed away, I wanted to seek out more local friends. Oh, I always have Grace, who lives in Manhattan, but sometimes a girl just wants a local cup of coffee and conversation.

Again, I am an introvert by nature, but when I am in my comfort zone, prove to be a quite outspoken woman with strong opinions about everything. My ex husband hated this about me, and I developed a way of sort of exhibiting shyness around others. I started trying to become this person I thought everyone wanted me to be. I wanted so much to be accepted by this new crowd of people, that I took on the persona of someone I am not. Don’t get me wrong-I am introverted, but I am not shy. I enjoy being around people (in small doses). And I wanted so much to have a sense of community where I lived.

But what sort of world would we live in if we didn’t have the right to speak out, to create awareness and to be our authentic selves? We should be exactly who were are, and unabashedly so.

So for this reason, I just decided to say fuck it. I’m just going to be exactly who I am, and not apologize. If you don’t like my opinions and so fascistly¬†want to leave my side because of this, you are free to do so. But I love myself enough, and I value myself enough to stand strong in who I am and what I believe in, to know that I am worthy of someone’s time, and I’m worthy to be accepted just as I am.

I’m blessed to have a few friends that I have known for many years. We all differ in opinion, and that is okay. That is what makes us all beautiful.

So, all that to say that I am now okay with being who I am and I’m not going to apologize for who I am. I’m worth all the beautiful things in the world, and so are you. If you’re reading this, and you find yourself in a place where people seem to not care for your opinions or way of being, wave your hand at them, and say, “Bye Felicia!”

Look the way I see it, life is too short to sit there and think I have to live to please you, or make you happy. I won’t. And if you don’t look for my friendship or my company, I’m not going to keep trying to insert myself into your life. No. In any relationship, things should be MUTUAL. There should be a mutual seeking. With my friend Grace, I don’t have to worry. If I drop off the planet for a day or week, she’ll check on me, giving me the space I need, but will seek me. And I seek her. We seek each other, and that is a friendship.

The beauty of a real and true friendship is the ability to be yourself. I can be myself around the people I’ve chosen to keep near me. I don’t walk away feeling like an idiot. I know I’m a good person, and I know that I am valuable and worthy of a great conversation about politics, zen, and religion. I love talking about that stuff. I miss that sort of talk.

So, in choosing to accept myself, I came to a point where I was so comfortable that I started attracting the right kind of people, and realizing that I don’t need to be greedy. I can be grateful to have the 2 or 3 wonderful people in my life that I do have, and be okay with that. I can be happy with that. And when I choose to love my own company, I begin to grow, and thus-come out from beneath the clouds.

And now for a commercial break:

 

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I made another set of beautiful planner packs. I created a new lino block, and so the featured block print enclosed is of a pomegranate.

Enclosed in each of these lovely packets:

  • Hand painted collage papers
  • Painted 7 Gypsies ATC folder
  • Journal spots
  • Lino Print Cut outs
  • Vintage dictionary paper
  • Vintage playing cards
  • Decorative paper

Each kit varies, and you can buy it HERE.

 

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