How to Spell Forgiveness

How do you spell forgiveness? Do you take each letter by hand, and look at how it is formed, looking at it’s origin, wondering how in heaven’s name you can possibly put those letters together?

How do you spell forgiveness? It seems that forgiveness is something we equate with “it’s okay that you did this”, when in perhaps, it is not. Maybe forgiveness is something that happens when we move on. Maybe we forgive the people who hurt us the most, not by saying it’s okay that they hurt you, but by saying that you don’t want to hurt over it anymore.
Maybe forgiveness means I don’t wanna sit in shit anymore. Maybe that’s what it means.

I think we allow ourselves to wallow a bit too much. I think we live in a society that coddles our pain too much, and coddles our sadness too much. We live in this world, where if you are sad, or down, there’s no need to express it. Instead, you let everyone around you to deal with your shit, while not processing any of it, then coming out of it as if nothing happened, as if you didn’t hurt people in your process of being in pain.

Maybe instead of self medicating, we should instead be okay with crying. And be okay with hurting. You don’t have to be perfect, and it is okay to express your feelings. But instead we are coddled.

I’ve said before, that I will not coddle, and I won’t. I have been through too much hell, too much pain, too much struggle, and I for one, have never been coddled. I couldn’t afford to just sit and do nothing about my situation. I had to keep going, I had to keep moving, I had to wipe my tears, and not because of anything other than this one fact: LIFE GOES ON.

There’s a song I’m reminded of. It’s a song by Elvis Perkins called, “While you were sleeping”:

“While you were sleeping your babies grew
The stars shined and the shadows moved
Time flew the phone rang
There was a silence when the kitchen sang”

-Elvis Perkins

You can sit in your pain as long as you want, thinking the whole of the world will stop, but it will not. The entire world will not stop, and life goes on and you can hold that grudge as long as you want to, but it will not stop the grass from growing, or the trees from shedding their leaves. You’ll wake up one day, and realize you wasted your entire life holding a grudge against someone who really isn’t even thinking of you, nor cares, probably.

I’ll tell you a story:

There once was a man, who met a girl, and married her. They had two children: a boy and a girl. The couple found themselves at odds, and when the children were still babies, they divorced.

But their little girl, oh she was angry and bitter. She became more bitter still, when her father remarried and worst still when he had another child. He started a whole other family, but never forgot about her; no, he instead brought her everywhere. He longed to make his eldest daughter, the only girl in the world who could say she made him a father, to feel a part of his new family But the little girl let that anger and bitterness grow deep within her. She is now over 50 and still carries these issues from when she was a baby. But while she’s been sleeping, the world changed, and the only person she has punished is herself.

Anger is a curse you place upon yourself. Anger is a seed you plant and if you let it grow, becomes a cancer deep within you, and repells everyone from you.

It doesn’t matter what pain you have within, it’s time to let it go. Pain is cancer. Don’t sit in it too long, or it will overpower you and take everyone you love away from you, slowly.

So then, how do you spell forgiveness? Easy: love. Love yourself. Listen, there’s an old saying that says if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else, and it is very much true.

You cannot expect a loving relationship with another person when you do not even know how to love yourself. Having walls up repels people from you, and you keep building those walls up, the person you love will leave, painful though it may be for them.

Walls are not for keeping immigrants or anyone else out. They are for homes and businesses, not for hearts and not for borders.

Learn to love yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be okay with the person you are, flaws and all. Treat yourself as you would your child. Then little by little, you won’t have to wonder how to spell forgiveness…because you will already have.

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