Author Image TheCraftaholicDG

Silver Platters and moving on

Owl totem. Mixed media on paper. For purchase inquiries, please contact me.

Becoming a parent means forever changing your focus in life. It means that your perspective in life will change, and you will view the world differently. If you are an active person in your child’s life, it means that the reason you wake in the morning is because of your children. You wake up and go to your shitty job, and smoke cigarettes only with the window all the way rolled down, because of your children. Saturday mornings don’t mean sleeping until 12 then nursing a hangover. It means waking up at 8 am, to make pancakes and eggs and hashbrowns or pancakes and bacon. It means you shift your focus. You can’t whine about how much your life sucks or expect everything to be handed to you. It won’t. And truth be told, though your friends may care, they have their own shit to deal with and often do not have time to nurse your fragile ego.

So why is it that some adults expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter? Are we creating a society of white privilege, where people have been lead to believe that it is okay NOT to work, and just sit on your ass and expect the whole of the world to come to you and nurse you with their tit? Since when have these masses of people come to believe that it is quite alright to sit and do nothing, amassing monies handed to you by the government, while being given everything, and never having to work a day in your life?

When I don’t work, I get depressed. If I stay in my New Jersey studio apartment too long, I get depressed. I will be forthright: I have suffered from various forms or levels of depression most of my life, and have sought help when needed. But I know what works for me and what makes me feel better. I’d rather be happy. I’d rather not want to do what Anthony Bourdain did to himself. I’d rather look at the flowers that bloom, and appreciate the sun. I would rather sit with my family and have a good meal of Biftek con Papa Fritas (Steak and French Fries, Boriqua style). Add a little mix of equal parts mayonaise and ketchup, and you’ve got love on a plate. Food. Food and laughter and family is what creates in me this need to better myself. It makes me want to get up and go. The smile on my daughter’s face when I present her with a nice meal, the laughter on my youngest daughter, when I tell stories about things I did as a teen….these are the stuff of life. These are the things that make life absolutely delicious.

Life and all of it’s beauty does not come from the need to put others down. It does not come to you handed on a silver platter, nor is it driven to you nor does it go out of it’s way for you to notice it. Life is beautiful. But true beauty does not go out of it’s way to be noticed. Real beauty is noticed from afar. This is not a cliche moment, where I say beauty comes from within. You should already know that. This is when I say that you need to get up and move your body, and take walks, do yoga, plant flowers, take a long hot shower, have pizza with your friend, and if you have none, ask yourself why that is. The secret to enjoying life is the actual getting up off of your arse, and actually appreciating the earth.

So why is it that so many these days expect happiness to come straight to them? When did we become a society, where confidence is mistaken for arrogance? I will not coddle you. I will not sit and baby you, I will expect you to get up and help yourself. I will give you tools to help you better yourself, and just because I can help myself through depression or through the illness of fibromyalgia, of which I have suffered for 20 years now, just because I can get up and not whine and complain, does not mean I am not ill. It means I learned how to be an adult, and move on my own. I learned how to grow up.

If you are to be my friend, and if we are to do this dance through life, please be happy with your life, and be happy with who you are. I cannot entertain you if you are not happy with yourself, because all that will happen, is that you will drag me down in the mud with you, and that is not what I want to do with my life. That is not what I want. I have fought too hard and gone through too much hell and high water to allow anyone to drag me down in the mud with them.

I am not an enemy for not feeling sorry for you. I heard the reasons why you are depressed. I’d like to hear the reasons you have to be happy and grateful for. Sometimes the record gets scratched, and the song repeats over and over and over, and sometimes….sometimes you have to get up and change the record.

It’s okay to sit and cry about something for a minute, but don’t stay there too long. I know how depression works. It’s like a cancer. It spreads and takes over but it does so when you entertain it. Move beyond the depression. Keep going. Get dressed anyway. Take a shower anyway. Go out anyway. Exercise anyway. Laugh anyway.

Real friends do not coddle.

On Self Love

Sometimes self love means walking away

sometimes self love

means being in this cocoon and

shunning the world

self love, it

isn’t all bath bombs and trips to Sephora

it is sometimes knowing

believing

that you are better than the unhealthy coping mechanisms

self love is the idea

that perhaps I am important

perhaps I can move forward

with

or without you

—————-

 

 

This painting is available for purchase. This painting is about being in this cocoon and knowing ones self and realizing that it is okay to be alone sometimes.

Please contact me to purchase by using the contact me page in this website.

 

Product Review: Jane Davenport Mermaid Markers

 

 

So I recently purchased a set of Jane Davenport Mermaid Markers, and I thought I’d share a short review about my thoughts on these markers. I know I’ve been a bit quiet lately. Sorry about that. I’ve been busy with school and such things.

I’m trying to put together some more art to sell in various formats, so if there’s something you’d like made, do let me know by leaving a comment or clicking on the contact me page on this site.

 

I posted it on youtube, here’s the video:

Greater than Heartache

So I figured I’d show you a bit of what I’ve been working on. I know I’ve been a bit quiet as of late, but I’ve had a lot going on lately, and share a poem I wrote.

Oh, here’s the video:

Greater than Heartache

I will be greater than the heartache that
Beats from my chest
I will be greater than that, I
Birthed two children from my vagina yes I said vagina
I birthed two children
With no pain medication, so
I can take pain
It’s familiar yet
For me
But I will not cower
I will sit with this pain until I no longer cry for you
Until I no longer shed the tears for the nightmare that came true,
One day
I will be someone without you
One day
I will not cry for you anymore
I
Cry for you
Four years later, I
Still wish you were mine
Years later but I will not cower
I shed enough tears for you, fucked
The wrong people in search of you
In them
I will not cower
I will wipe the tears from my eyes, my love and call you that no longer
I will see the good in you in our daughters and I will thank goddess
You are a real father
But I will not cower
I will not cower anymore
Old friend, I am shy no longer
I am the mighty warrior goddess who’s name I bear
I am arms outstretched sacrificing myself
To save myself
I am
I am
I am
And I will go on
And remember you and go on
And not cower
I will not mourn the death what was any longer, I
Will not cry the tears of death any longer, I
Will not shed the tears of grief over a love that died
It died a long time ago and I buried it in the cemetery next to the hopes and
Dreams I used to have, they’re
Buried alongside the hopes I once had to find true love
All buried there
I lost my hope to find lasting love
I will not cower
I will not
I will not
I will not
I will wipe my tears
I will bury You in my past alongside the child I used to be and the
Innocence I had once and the
Starry eyed hopes I
Once
Had, I
Want to bury you in the cemetery next to my hopes that my mother will love me
And so I buried you
I
Buried you that
In the cemetery
Alongside the hopes that my father will approve of me

 

 

 

How to make a cheap journal look awesome

So, it’s the new year. And every year, I buy myself a brand new journal to write in, even if the one I have is half empty. I still always do. It’s sort of a metaphor for me, to start something new. Anyway, I realized I had forgotten to buy one! Picking an art journal is a serious thing, and it takes effort to actually pick out a journal. Usually, people have gifted me journals that I keep for these particular occasions, but this year no one thought of actually buying a writer, a tool with which to write with. Stupid, right?

Anyway, I did some hunting and I found one, but I didn’t like the cover too much. So I decided to alter it, and made a little video of it!

Here’s what it looks like:

And here’s the tutorial:

 

My Year in Review

So it has come to that time of year, when we all choose to reinvent ourselves and change things, we create resolutions and all that good stuff. I’ve never been inclined to create resolutions, but I do enjoy looking back at the past year, and thinking of the things I’ve accomplished over the past twelve months. I enjoy doing this because this time of year can be a bit on the emotional side for me. This way, I can see how far I’ve come, and know that I truly am reaching for my dreams and accomplishing my goals.

So, I thought I’d do a bit of a recap for you all, on the things that have gone on in my life, the good things I did, and favorite things I’ve designed or worked on.

  1. The thing I am most proud of, are my two daughters- Dakota and Dharma. They are my joy and my reason for living. I’m so blessed to have two kids who are both beautiful and smart, cool and nerdy. I love them. This picture was taken on the street when my daughters went with me to a street fair, which I did a bit more of this year than ever. I rarely do street fairs, being that I am so introverted, but I did go out of my comfort zone this year.

2. At first glance, my desk probably always looks the same, but I assure you it is a bit different. The We’Moon  calendar is the one thing that is different. I hadn’t bought a day planner for this year, and had forgotten how I love this calendar the best. I hadn’t bought the We’Moon datebook in ages. I had forgotten about that part of myself: the part of myself that love spiritual things, and love to think about the phases of the moon, loves doing full moon rituals.

I want to say that this year, my art evolved a lot. It really did. I am happy for the turn in which my art and my artistic style took. I think perhaps this is another in the evolution of me that went on this year.

My Watercolor, while remaining the same subject, is evolving also. I’m so happy with this piece. To purchase, please contact me.

This year I also made my kids their Halloween costume! Last year I let the people around me bog me down, but this year I did not. I was like a trailblazer this year man, not letting any negative person permeate my sphere of happiness. And it shows, in things like this-making costumes for my kids.

Oh, and these cute hand painted journals are one of my favorite projects I made! These are super cute, and for sale here.

Oh, and I started posting up art videos again! It is challenging for me to post up videos as often as I’d like to, but I did post several on my youtube channel.

I still have these beautiful bags I’ve made. I’m really proud of my work. I’ve learned this year that no one in the world will believe in you, but you must believe in you. People can and will use you, oppress you, take advantage of you, and manipulate you. They will try to bring you down. But you must remain firm in who you are. I haven’t got everything I want, but I have everything I need, and I am okay with who I am. It’s tough when someone who is supposed to love and care for you shows that they really do not care about you at all, or who you are as a person. It’s almost degrading to your self esteem, and you begin to think, “maybe I am a shitty person.” The truth is, just because a person is related to you, doesn’t mean they have to love you. They don’t. I tell my daughter all the time, you can’t help who you love and you can’t help who you don’t love. The true issue lies in when the person who does not love, says they do. That’s when you kindly let them go. Believing in yourself is the key to success in any field of life. That was the tough and emotional lesson that 2017 taught me. I may be a stubborn woman, but one thing is for sure: I believe in myself and my art and my daughters.

This year I went to a couple of open mics, to read my poetry-something I hadn’t done a whole lot of. I plan on doing that more this coming year, though. 2017 was such a hard year for me emotionally. Everything else in my life has been going well, but love really sucked the joy out of my life this year. I had someone in my life who was taking advantage of my kindness. Actually, I had four people like that, all of whom I have removed from my life. My kindness is not something to be taken for granted, but it was. And the sadness of having gave, and not being given in return….it ate at me. It attempted to consume me with sadness, but I learned just this past week or so, that I like where I’m at. And I learned that 2018 is the year to do as in music, go “back to coda”- back to the beginning. I want to go back to the beginning, back to who I was before the heartache and before the pain. And poetry readings is a big part of that. I have decided to stop worrying about other people and trying to keep non functional friends, and just focus on the things I love to do. And that is what I shall continue to do. Life is too short otherwise.

I made these cute moon earrings this year, and found so many fun new supplies to design jewelry with! This year between school and work and my kids, I am quite busy. It’s very much a challenging being a single mother to begin with, let alone live with extended family that you do not really get along with. Life can be a challenge. I love the moon because I look at how the moon fills up and then empties out. It is the same in nature. Nature as a whole, has the idea of life and death down to a science. I’ve learned this year that although things die, it makes space for new things. And that it may hurt for a moment, but the key is to get back up and move forward. Life can be amazing, if you make it. These beautiful earrings are for sale, here.

My greatest accomplishment this year was getting my art in a few galleries in New Jersey. I am so grateful and so humbled that you guys like my artwork. Truly. For me, it is an honor to be recognized. I work really hard, and it’s nice that sometimes all the hard work doesn’t go unnoticed.

 

So, that concludes my review of 2017. It was filled with a lot of emotional pain, more than I’ve experienced in 4 years. So much. And so often I felt alone. I let go of several toxic and narcissistic people, and while needed, it was also very very challenging. It was emotional. I went through so many emotional challenges this year, but I am stronger for it. I know the best is yet to come, and these are not empty claims filled only with a hollow faith and no work to back it up. I know the best is yet to come because I work damn hard for it.

Quotes to Inspire and Motivate You

Today I decided to share with you some quotes that inspire me, and why they do.

“Into this new love, die
your way begins
on the other side
become the sky
take an axe to the prison wall,
escape
walk out like someone
suddenly born into color
do it now”

― Jalaluddin Mevlana Rumi

This passage by Rumi is by far one of my most favorite and most inspiring. To me, it speaks of finding yourself in a new phase in life, and giving in to love, not just perhaps in a relationship, but in relation to spirituality. I think this really is a wonderful passage that reminds you that you can die to the old things, the dead things, and the dead relationships. It is okay, and you have permission to let things go.

Sometimes letting things and people go can feel a lot like death. We have this feeling that we need to let this thing, this habit, or this person go from our life. But perhaps we’ve grown accustomed to this thing or this person. Maybe we have gotten used to the person we always go out of our way for. Maybe we’ve grown used to them and rationalized our constant giving with the crumbs of friendship they throw at us. We open ourselves and let them into our life, not realizing they kill us slowly with their constant need from us, with their constant mooching from us, from our energy, from our life.

Letting go is so difficult. I’ve learned this. But I’ve also learned that life is delicious and wonderful and great when we first learn to love ourselves. This means, letting go of people that do not give the equal that we give. This means letting go of what does not serve us. That is what this quote means to me, and this is what I love about this.

“Inside this new love, die” — means just that. Die to the old ways of doing this. Open yourself to love, and learn to love yourself and then perhaps you’ll see-you’re worthy of so much more than giving to those who do not respect your wishes or neglect or take you for granted. As a mother, I am a nurturer. But this is not because I am a mother. It is because I had a mother who is anything but nurturing. I learned how to give because I was not. And now, it is time for me to give to myself. Because I deserve it.

I saw a meme once, it said “You deserve the love you give to others” and it really clicked in my head. I’ve seen that meme a thousand times before. But this time it really sunk in. I realized that it’s true. I’ve been giving all this love to the wrong people. Maybe I can give myself this love that I give so freely to others.

Maybe I can do that.

 

“I am not this hair, I am not this skin, I am the soul that lives within” –Rumi

So much of what we think life is and being an adult, is really just fodder and nonsense and ego. The filling to the brim of the ego, where we well ourselves up with labels to separate us from others. We think, “I am better than you because I am XYZ and that separates me from you”. Or we think, “I’m better than you because I look different than you” or “I am better than you because I have this.” But then…what happens when that thing with which we identify ourselves goes away? What happens when we lose the job, or when we get a divorce? What then, happens to our identity?

Perhaps this is when we must cast of the old, like the previous quote mentioned, and remind ourselves of who we truly are. In Kundalini Yoga that mantra, “Sat Nam” means truth is my true identity. What is YOUR true identity? After you shed your skin, and your hair and your attachment to a person, place, or thing…..what do you have when you shed those things? What does your spirit look like?

 

Now here below are a few MORE favorite quotes:

 

 

 

 

 

 

There she goes

So here’s a new painting I just finished working on:

 

This one is called, “There she goes”.  You can purchase her if you like. Simply go to my contact me page and send me an email.

Oh and here’s some new jewelry I’ve got for sale:

You can go to my Etsy store which I’ve revived. Link:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheLonelygypsy

 

It was a beautiful kind of pain

 

“A beautiful kind of pain”
Please contact me to purchase

He wore a wig of solitude and

walked

away and

an angel whispered, “it’s a beautiful kind of pain”

she couldn’t see it

she wouldn’t see it

she didn’t see it

she had

willing placed shackles upon her heart and feet

“Damn this pain and this blood soaked madness!” She exclaimed in sheer terror of the level of pain

in which she was in

mall she could do was paint

to

drown out the words he’d say

the

names he called her

and how he shamed her

into hiding her Nuyorican accent and her

curly hair

she painted so much

she almost ran out of paint and

one day she she stopped crying

And one day she felt good

and happy

Again

And in the midst of laughter with good friends

mover vodka and cigarettes

she said and smiled, in perfect peace,

“it was a beautiful kind of pain

it turned my black heart

to the colors of my paints

turned my tears

into paintbrushes and

placed words in my heart of poems never written

it was a beautiful kind of pain, the

evolving kind of pain

the growing kind of pain

the giving birth Kind of pain

and I can say now

that I learned to love

as an adult

that I know what love can be at my age

and I know what love is not

and so maybe this is the definition of happy:

this me, here with paintbrushes in hand

and this me, cooking for the ones I love

this me, at peace

it was a beautiful kind of pain and I

pity him

for his

wig of solitude.

What a sad and pathetic life to lead-

to refuse the love from another.”

 

currently listening to:

Outside of the inside

 

 

So I told him,
I
Wear myself outside of the inside
Like a flag or banner
I wear who I am
Outside of the inside
I
Speak in parables
In stories and poems
And I wear myself
Outside of myself
Like a flag or banner
Like the majestic flag of Puerto Rico,
The one that was forbade to the Boricua people
When the United States came and took over
I wear myself proudly
Like an old Puerto Rican woman hails her flag
That is how I wear who I am
Outside of the inside, I
Wear who I am like a flag
Do not mince words and
Enjoy whiskey with my poems and
Cannabis with my paintings and
Wine goes very well with motherhood and University school work
I
Wear who I am
Outside of the inside
Like a flag or banner
In my articles of clothing you see the years of old punk rock shows and
Late nights and
Road trips and
The Grateful Dead and Bob Dylan and
The Sex Pistols
The Toasters
The Specials
And the
Songs of Hector Lavoe, that sing sweet melodies to my soul, indeed
And I wear who I am
Outside of the inside
Like a flag or banner
What you see
Is what you get
I am
Boricua.