The Nocturnal Life of a Single Mom

Made some new art recently.

I think I had shown you a painting I made called, “An ode to my mother“. This is another in that series.

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This one is called, “I paint while my daughters lay sleeping”

And it’s true, because I do.

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For me, it seems that I live a nocturnal life, sleeping little and working on my goals almost 24 hours a day. I live this sort of life: the nocturnal one, in which I live and breathe like a little snow owl, sleeping little. It is the life that I choose.

I choose to be this sort of nocturnal person, creating and painting and working towards my goals in the night while my kids lay sleeping. During the day I work a day job, and think of my children all day.

So at night, while my children lay asleep, it becomes the time that I work only for me. No one commands me, no one asks or needs of me. It is just me, and my paintbrushes, making messes and loving the process of it all. It is a sort of meditative thing, this ritual of making art. I put on music. Usually I put on dance music, but sometimes I want a sacred experience and so I put on meditative music or native american chanting music. I love it. It becomes a healing process.

I was talking to Mr. Tattooed man today about the emotional aspect that is me. I am and always have been very aware of my emotions. In the past, I’ve always been around people who were just as emotional as I am. This is the first time in my life that I’ve been surrounded by the total opposite. It can be a bit lonesome at times, but I suppose it forces a person to truly look inward and not impose or push themselves on another. I strive for this.

And so, the night is when I cleanse myself of the tears and weariness. It is when I communicate my sadness or joy. Often I feel that no one really understands this part of me, and I end up seeming like a person who “feels too much”. I am just more AWARE of it a lot more than most people. Few people on the earth are like this, and I was lucky to know one or two people just like me. Their time was up. Their bodies left this earth. And so, the healing begins at night. In the evening, when I have time to not think of anyone else but me. In the evening when I can unwind, have a glass of wine and just B R E A T H E.

This is who I am: nocturnal by nature, living my life at night between the hours of 8 p.m. and 1 a.m.

I live this sort of life, eating, chatting on the phone, and meditating all in a five hour span. Often I wish I could stretch the evenings a bit longer, but eventually sleep IS needed. So, the evening helps me heal. It helps me mourn the death of my best friends, and helps me create.

This is my nocturnal life, the life in which I love to see my daughters asleep, but am happy to sit and create, to write, and just be myself.

Being an empath isn’t easy. Not many understand how one person can feel so much, and sometimes it you think it to be a flaw, this ability to know just how you feel. But this is what life is for me, and this is what it is to be with me. I am packed with emotions. Oh, I calm down a bit in time. But feelings are grand. And you know why? Because there was a time in my life when I shut people away. There was a time in my life when I had the blackest of black hearts. I trusted no one. I wanted no one. I just wanted my daughters and no one else. But I realized that there’s nothing better than sharing life and joy. Life can be beautiful when it is truly felt. And I embrace who I am. I embrace my emotional, nocturnal self, knowing that my life is as delicious as I choose it to be.

And this is the nocturnal single mom.

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