The Perpetual Virgin


Some of you may know, if you know me personally, that I had been on a dating site. Yes, really. I can’t  believe it either. When I had met my ex-husband, it was before online dating. Before him, the men I’d dated, I met through my church group, or through group outings and such. Shortly after my divorce, I took some time to heal. I didn’t look for anything serious at all. Not at all.

I became single in the time while approaching my mid-life, and so I had no idea how to meet people in this phase of my life. A friend suggested online dating. So I thought, “well, why not give it a try.”

I met quite a few interesting fellows in the beginning stages of my online dating venture. I was still living in Brooklyn, NY at the time and never took to heart, that men there did not care that I am a mother of two. There, it was a given. At my age, it was almost understood that I am a mother. 50% of all marriages end in divorce. So perhaps men in New York City understand this. Maybe they understand suffering just a little bit. I’ve always said New York is the city of humble people.

I moved to New Jersey, due to the high cost of living, and the lack of adequate child care for my daughters. I never thought dating in New Jersey would be so very different. I suppose that was my own naiveté in that regard. New Jersey is more of a jungle than New York City ever will be.

Living in New Jersey I have met more rude, racist, narrow minded, lying, catty, dramatic people than I ever did in New York. In fact, I am glad to say that in New York City, I never met anyone like that. It was quite a rude awakening, to come back home and see that this state is filled with utterly miserable people with narrow minds and no aim in life.

I’d gone out once with a boy, who’d had no children. He was 40, and suffered from so much anxiety, that he didn’t drive because of this. I found this out through a friend, since what he told me was that his car had broken down “beyond repair” and he chose to be car-less.

Then I met a guy who was 40something and decided that he didn’t fancy children at all, so he didn’t want to date anyone with children. Perhaps he needs to date a 20 year old instead of someone his age.

Last but not least, there is the guy who at 40, still lived with his mother and had no job. He had no children, so it isn’t as though he lived with them for the support that a single parent desperately needs.

So, all these men have one thing in common: they seek the perpetual virgin.

I say this because I had a conversation recently with a man online and the first question he asked me what the ages were of my children. He went on to ask me how long I’ve been single, how long was I married, did my husband leave or did I leave him, and various other questions. He went on to basically pass judgement on me, telling me that he preffered to not date women who’d been married at all. I told him, at our age, really? The perpetual virgin.

This is what men want: the 40something woman who’s pretty, has never been married or had children, and has no ambition or aim in life (because the men here in NJ also do not want an ambitious woman). Let’s not forget the laundry list of other demands they have for a woman in addition to not being divorced or being a mother.

All hail the perpetual virgin.

In my opinion, men who want this, need to realize that 50 % OF ALL MARRIAGES END IN DIVORCE. And no one knows how to care for her partner better than a woman with children.



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