On Broken Hearts & Old Narratives

When a heart reaches it’s breaking point, how does it heal? How do you heal when you have reached the point when you feel you have nothing left to give?

And yet, she persisted. Watercolor on paper (C) DRG 2021

It feels as though your soul has been crushed, and all you want to do is find a cave in which to hide. You feel your soul turn blackest black. You may even regret having given your love away, although you did so with joy. What is even worst is when the person who loved you once, does not see the damage they have caused you, nor do they care. You become the villain in their story.

You long to tell them of your self-evolution, and how much you have grown. You want to tell them that you are no longer weak, that you have woken up and become self-aware. That you learned to love yourself, and you learned how to create peace within yourself. But they do not hear you, nor do they want to.

It is heartbreaking when someone you love clings to an old narrative of who you used to be, simply in attempts to make you seem like a failure, or that you do not deserve the peace you fought so hard to obtain.  

I do not have the answers to why this is, or why it is that when you are at peace, that people will make attempts to break you, to make you who you used to be. But I do remember something my mother used to often tell me: resist the devil, and he will flee.  

I am not a christian woman, but I do believe in the act of resisting. Throughout history, we can see that such a simple act can truly create massive change. It has created laws that free many marginalized groups.  

I will not give in to your need to view me in an old and tired narrative of who I no longer am, nor care to be, and I will not allow you to punish me for acts you believe to be black and white. I will not allow anyone to break the peace and joy and self love that it has taken me so very long to obtain and grow within myself. I will not.  

I am sorry that you wish to see me in this old narrative, this old person who let you take her peace, this old person that was so easily controlled and manipulated. Sadly, I know you will read this, and be quite defensive of your actions.  

But I am not a woman who is easily moved, and I am not going back to that person I used to be. I am only sad that you choose to cling to a ghost, for the person I used to be is dead. 

When someone comes to your life and breaks you, then continues to make attempts at doing so, resist them. Resist them and show them you are stronger than how weak they perceive you to be. You are stronger, and that is why they make such attempts: because they themselves are weak.